Celebrity Vomiting: Bad Food Choice Or An Evil Plan For World Domination?

Celebrity Vomiting: Bad Food Choice Or An Evil Plan For World Domination?

None of you can possibly think that I could pass up the opportunity to comment on the rash of celebrity vomiting we’ve seen in the past two weeks. It would be no more possible for me to stop the flow of snark than it would be for them to stop the flow of spaghetti and milk they had before going on stage.

I’m sure Bieber and Gag (sorry, forgot that second “a”….what was I thinking?) are not the first to toss their cookies in public. Hell, a lot of them throw up while laying down and end up dying so….just putting a positive spin on the whole thing.

I have a few theories about what’s going on with all this spewing.

It’s highly possible that retching is the new re-hab. I’m really hoping this is not going to catch on as some sort of publicity stunt like anger management or anti-Semitism. I’m waiting for the moment Mel Gibson pukes all over a CHP officer. Though, I highly suspect that may have already happened at some point.

I have a fairly healthy case of Emetophobia, which is a fear of vomiting…which I just looked up because I literally have information at my fingertips, thank you Bill Gates and the Google Guys! But, doesn’t EVERYONE on the planet “suffer” from this perfectly reasonable disorder?  I don’t get why we need an actual word for it.

If you don’t suffer from Emetophobia then we have a whole other blog topic right there.

I just pray we don’t get inundated with reality shows like “Celebrity Horking” or “Hollywood Vomitorium”. Cuz’ that would just be wrong….yet possibly profitable.

(Dear TLC, call me.)

I also think it could be a new terrorist strategy. Forget the Zombie Apocalypse because this is WAY more frightening than slow-moving brain-eaters. It’s a sadistically brilliant plan. They are making a mockery of our cultural icons which in turn will break down our entire social structure. I’m not sure how this all links up because I am not a brilliant terrorist mastermind. But I trust they have a good plan.

I believed their first test run of this new strategy was the incident with Bush Sr. and the Japanese Prime Minister.  But, we’ve all had bad sushi so I’m going to let that one go.

I wouldn’t want to come across as a whack job conspiracy theorist after all….

This terrorist group probably knows that none of us will help each other out because the chain effect would be too devastating to comprehend. They are strategically using our nationwide Emetophobia against us. Classic divide and conquer tactics.

So in order to prepare for either of the above mentioned scenarios, I decided to look up all the different terms for regurgitation. Well, it was probably less about preparation and more because it would appear I’m a 12-year-old boy and it’s kinda funny and super gross.

Anyway, here are a few choice cuts.

You’re welcome.

  • Barffalo Bill
  • Buick
  • Chorkle
  • Chow shower
  • Chumming
  • Disembarking dinner
  • Gale Force Burp
  • Gurping
  • Hwark
  • Involuntary personal protein spill
  • Laughing at the ground
  • Liquid scream
  • Mouth crying (a personal favorite)
  • Rooping
  • Uneat
  • Vurp  (a burp with a little vomit, see also; Shart)
  • Yark

 

22 Responses »

  1. Around these parts it’s known as “Calling the Dinosaurs”. Don’t know why. Can’t explain it. But it does have a certain verve, doesn’t it?

  2. I had never heard Liquid Scream–that’s awesome, but my personal favorite on your list is Involuntary Personal Protein Spill. The acronym would be IPPS. Like saying OOPS, but more disgusting.

  3. It’s finally happened. This REALLY is the end of civilization. I told my husband that when we see Roman vomitoriums return, that would be the sign. It has begun . . .

  4. You forgot merlion! Apparently, in Singapore, it’s what you say, “Dude, last night Joe merlioned all over the back seat of the taxi (and probably got stoned to death).” ;-)

  5. So I wish I could be as witty as you in my reply but I’ll just fail so ill first thank you for the out loud chortles and then thank you for the new vocabulary word: emetophobia which I suffer greatly from and hadn’t even known. Thank you for a good laugh and visual – glad I was done with dinner.

    • Well you are most welcome! But, of course, no one should read any of my posts on a full stomach. Maybe I should put a disclaimer on my home page…..

  6. Wow, I didn’t recognize most of those terms on the list…I don’t know whether to be impressed or grossed out.
    Interesting side note: I don’t throw up. Ever. Not even when I try to make myself. Not even when I used to get super drunk. I think I’m just missing that mechanism. Or maybe I’m part of the conspiracy…

  7. I realize your list is not comprehensive, but how could you forget “technicolor yawn” or “watering the acid loving plants”?

    • I was trying for new and fresh verbiage….cut out the old standards. We need to stay current with what the young folks are saying!

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