Damn You, Mayans!

Damn You, Mayans!

That’s right, laugh you filthy Mayan!

What, with our good friends the Mayans  giving us that heads-up on the end of days and all, I decided I should really hit that bucket list before the rapture!

And, we know the Mayans never get anything wrong, as evidenced by the fact they’ve been around for so long….oh, wait a minute….how did they not see THAT coming?

I highly suspect they are all having a good laugh at the little prediction they left behind for us that they came up with at some Mayan frat party after chewing on some hallucinogenic root.

But, between the Twinkie debacle and the Liz and Dick movie, it does seem a sure thing that we are on the cusp of the rapture.

Some people have decided to flock to some mountain in Serbia, believing they would be safe only there. Evidently, this mountain that I can’t pronounce is called the “Naval of the World”. I suppose that’s better than the “Taint of the World”, which we all know is Trenton.

Others are huddled in their panic rooms or survivalist shelters, waiting to pop their frightened little heads out of their holes like Punxsutawney Phil to see the massive destruction they are now going to have to spend an eternity swiffering up.

The end of days is nigh! We have less than 48 hours to get our end-of-world plan in place. That’s not a whole lot of time so I am thinking I will double up on some stuff to be efficient. See, I am a project manager to the bitter end.

For instance, I will wear an evening gown and diamond tiara while eating bacon for every meal, then wash it all down with Danny DeVito’s weight in Limoncello.

Then I’ll have a bunch of sex with super hot strangers….while wearing a diamond tiara and eating bacon.

See, it’s the simple things in life we must embrace during these terrible times.

So, what’s your plan before you are smited? What would you do if you knew you could get away WITH ANYTHING?? No accountability, people!

Godspeed, and see you on the other side. I’ll be the one smelling of bacon and shame.

12 Responses »

  1. Spending my last day in an luxury room at a totally posh hotel wearing overpriced underwear and drinking bubbly…who cares who else is there!

    Going out with a bang!

  2. If I knew for a fact it was happening, I would take all the money I have and fly somewhere way more cool than here to end it all. Maybe Paris, or Amalfi, or Fiji. If it’s gonna be the last thing ya see, it should be pretty damned stunning, don’t ya think?

    • Great plan. And, yes, seeing something stunning would be great. Thus my need to spend time with bacon. Of course, having bacon in Paris is much more intriguing….

  3. I am attending a party for this reason Friday evening. Did the Mayan’s say what TIME it’s going to happen? Cause we are planning on watching Doomsday Preppers until it happens. We think that will give us some hints. By the way, we will be completely drunk by the time anything happens so all of our preparations will not really matter!

  4. Ah just pure genuis. Brings a smile to my heart. “For instance, I will wear an evening gown and diamond tiara while eating bacon for every meal, then wash it all down with Danny DeVito’s weight in Limoncello.” Hilarious!

  5. Honestly? I would smoke up like I was 15 again and geek out on the Xbox with my kid and my dude, let the lizard roam the house and not yell at the kitty for knocking pictures off the wall like they offend him. And then we would throw all the dirty dishes off our roof for skeet shooting practice instead of washing them….

  6. I like your plan. Were I to have solid facts that the world would end, I would drink a very expensive glass of wine as the world went up in flames around me. I too would wear a tiara, and eat a lot of expensive cheese.
    However, being a raging alcoholic, I would need CONCRETE PROOF, like Jesus himself appearing to me and pouring my glass. I can picture it now; we’d toast and he’d say “Bottoms up. Tomorrow, keep your eye out for the girl smelling of bacon.”

Leave a Reply