What, with our good friends the Mayans giving us that heads-up on the end of days and all, I decided I should really hit that bucket list before the rapture!
And, we know the Mayans never get anything wrong, as evidenced by the fact they’ve been around for so long….oh, wait a minute….how did they not see THAT coming?
I highly suspect they are all having a good laugh at the little prediction they left behind for us that they came up with at some Mayan frat party after chewing on some hallucinogenic root.
But, between the Twinkie debacle and the Liz and Dick movie, it does seem a sure thing that we are on the cusp of the rapture.
Some people have decided to flock to some mountain in Serbia, believing they would be safe only there. Evidently, this mountain that I can’t pronounce is called the “Naval of the World”. I suppose that’s better than the “Taint of the World”, which we all know is Trenton.
Others are huddled in their panic rooms or survivalist shelters, waiting to pop their frightened little heads out of their holes like Punxsutawney Phil to see the massive destruction they are now going to have to spend an eternity swiffering up.
The end of days is nigh! We have less than 48 hours to get our end-of-world plan in place. That’s not a whole lot of time so I am thinking I will double up on some stuff to be efficient. See, I am a project manager to the bitter end.
For instance, I will wear an evening gown and diamond tiara while eating bacon for every meal, then wash it all down with Danny DeVito’s weight in Limoncello.
Then I’ll have a bunch of sex with super hot strangers….while wearing a diamond tiara and eating bacon.
See, it’s the simple things in life we must embrace during these terrible times.
So, what’s your plan before you are smited? What would you do if you knew you could get away WITH ANYTHING?? No accountability, people!
Godspeed, and see you on the other side. I’ll be the one smelling of bacon and shame.