If Lunacy Had a Soundtrack It Would Go Something Like This

If Lunacy Had a Soundtrack It Would Go Something Like This
Play Freebird!!

Play Freebird!!

There is nothing weirder than kids. Except maybe parenting kids. That’s just Kim Jong Un weird. You know, unreasonable weird.

I don’t usually like to blog much about being a parent. It’s not that I have an issue with being a parent….who the hell am I kidding? OF COURSE I HAVE AN ISSUE WITH BEING A PARENT!

Being a parent is being in the epicenter of the lunatic fringe, if that’s even possible. The thing is, I kind of like being in that epicenter. Except for the noise there. And the crying (theirs and mine). Oh, and the smell. Definitely the smell.

At the end of the day, the odd way kids see the world is what I sort of dig about them. It would appear I kind of get lunatics. Who knew?

But, there is shit they come up with that I honestly think would better the world as a whole if we all just decided to behaved like them.

Case in point: My kids seem to constantly be singing. They have a soundtrack for everything. They can’t help themselves, they start to hum and sing background music for almost anything you can imagine.

  • Watching the velodrome races during the Olympics, they sing circus clown music. I suddenly enjoy watching track cycling. A first, I assure you.
  • Walking through a zoo, they have a different song for each animal depending upon the pace of their movements and physical oddities.
  • In the grocery store – each fruit has a theme song.
  • They actually wrote some rap upon seeing  a woman pushing a little pug in a baby stroller (I know, I live in southern California, shit like that happens).

Puppy in a stroller
What’s wrong with your legs?
Puppy in a stroller
I bet you’d like some eggs.
Puppy in a stroller
Bone

They even made up a game called Colored Elmo. And, no, this is not some strange racial slur. Though, if Elmo ever needed to be cast as a human, I think Samuel L. Jackson may be our man.

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The rules of this game are as follows:

Player One thinks of a color. They then begin singing a tune that reminds them of that color.

Player Two then rattles off every color they can think of that may (or may not) match up with the color the music brings to mind. These colors can range from primary (green, blue, red, etc.) to hybrids (chartreuse, puce, mauve, etc.) to precious metals (bronze, gold, platinum, etc.).

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Player Two, Player One has changed the color numerous times in his head to throw off and enrage Player Two.

It’s fun stuff until someone loses an eye.

So, next time you are in some high-powered meeting, putting gas in your car, having a mammogram or a prostate exam done, go ahead and sing a little ditty. It just might put the whole thing in a new light.

Or, you may end up either arrested or institutionalized. Either way, you’ll have a song in your heart.

8 Responses »

  1. Congrats to a year of blogging! You inspire and make me desire – so why don’t I? – it’s like doing P90X everyday. Sounds good, but ahhhhhhhhhh and owwwwwwwww!

    Congrats again!

  2. The smells! Oh God, the smells! I could live happily forever without having experienced some of those.

    I also make up songs about what I’m doing ALL the time! So much so, that all three of my children do it too. I think the best part is that my kids have also inherited my imagination…

    For instance: My 4yr old will be lying on the dog, singing a song about how much she loves her puppy, and then all of the sudden, she’s singing about her puppy being best friends with a hippopotamus.
    It’s kind of great.

  3. So, I’m a little embarrassed but mostly proud that my husband and I did this before we even had a kid. Some of our favorites include “Driving to Work,” “Puppies in a Stew,” and “I Can and I Will Wear These Jeans Every Day.” That last one is totally autobiographical.

  4. Your children are MY children. I constantly sing, hum, make up tunes. I think every day should be a musical that begins the moment I get out of bed, singing, “Good morning, husband, where is my coffee?” and just moves on from there. The shower scene would be discrete.

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