Mosh Pits And Incontinence – Recapturing Youth

Mosh Pits And Incontinence – Recapturing Youth
Step off, bitches!

Step off, bitches!

I’ve been fortunate to have accidentally lived in certain cities during their heydays. In the 1980’s I was in Silicon Valley and San Francisco for the high tech and new wave music boom. 1990’s it was Seattle for Microsoft and the grunge movement.

I’m not sure exactly which city best represents the 2000’s but for me it was split between Portland (before Portlandia existed) and Santa Barbara.

Not sure there is much to say about Santa Barbara…..Michael Jackson’s pedophile case was tried here. Does that count for anything?

As I’ve gotten older and my kids are no longer the parasites they once were, I’ve been trying to recapture a little of the person I was before I turned into the life-giving drone I became.

So, when one of my dearest and oldest friends mentioned that The Specials were on their reunion tour and playing in San Francisco, I immediately committed to getting my saggy ass back up to The City by The Bay to do some serious recapturing.

Let me start by telling you that I have always FREAKING LOVED THE SPECIALS! I believe they are one of the best but shortest-lived bands ever. I am a closet ska girl. I made the DJ at my wedding reception play all their songs, even though there were only a few of us who would get out there and skank (ska dancing for the unenlightened).

One of the steps in recapturing my inner rude girl is going to a concert that is general admittance where one must stand pressed inappropriately against strangers.  In recent years I’ve gone more the barc-o-lounger route, because I say shit like “Oy, my aching back!” or “Is it loud or is it me?” and “What the hell is that smell?”

But see, with a Ska band, you CAN NOT sit down. It is physically impossible not to dance.

This is a scientific fact. Go look it up.

The next step is remembering all the important concert rules. First and foremost of said rules is that one must never “break the seal.” Meaning, hold your pee because once you go the first time, you will have to go constantly through the concert and no one wants to have to go to a bathroom in a venue that would have any band you’d want to see. So, if you hold it until that initial need passes, you can hold it for the duration.

This is yet another scientific fact. See, I entertain AND educate.

Or, at least that’s what used to work when I was in my 20’s and had not yet had children. Suffice it to say that there is really no “seal” to speak of after that.

But, pissing oneself aside, this was one of the most fun nights I’d had in years. It was easy to get right back to that place of feeling so much joy in music that you love while being surrounded by friends that you love.

Plus, I have come up with a new product idea. Concert diapers for the post-30’s crowd. You can buy them next to the t-shirts in the lobby with the band logo on them. Let’s face it, most of the bands could use these too.

Piss Off! Concert Nappies ™

 “Not Your Grandma’s Diapers.” ™

Rude Girl is back.

18 Responses »

  1. Haha, loved this post!There are lots of music festivals coming up and I bet people would love your new product! Portapotties are gross and the lines are just ridiculously long!

  2. Oh holy crap, I think I need these diapers. I’ve stopped going to a lot of public events because I have to pee, like, every hour for some reason. I could just see the ad: first scene, a woman is standing in a 20 person-deep port-o-potty line; cut to the second scene where she confidently has her concert diapers strapped on, and a relieved look comes over her face.

  3. I think you should set up a mail order website to order these ahead of time. Because if you buy them AT the concert, you still have to stand in line for the grungy bathroom to put them on. Well, I guess you COULD just put them on without going to the bathroom, but then that is whole new level of concert behavior to discuss.

  4. I’ve never heard that expression “breaking the seal” but you’re bang on with that one! Yet again, we’re way too much in sync. Love the Specials and I too pee my pants more often than I care to imagine. Damn kids!

  5. I may be a musical genius, but no so much in the way of posting comments. Duh! (can’t blame it on the mosh pit either.)

  6. I lived in London from ’77 – 80. The Specials were in their heyday then. Loved them. Loved Madness too. Still love Ska.

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