The Stay-At-Home Mom – Your Lady Balls Are Bigger Than Mine

The Stay-At-Home Mom – Your Lady Balls Are Bigger Than Mine
I’m tired just looking at you.

I’m tired just looking at you.

I’ve been asked repeatedly over the years about why I am a working mother. Are we poor? Am I a narcissist? Is your husband a drunk or something?

Of course, the answer to all of these queries is YES. I am a poor narcissist with a drunk husband. Duh!

But, there are actually a couple of other reasons too.

Like the fact that my kids love me a lot more when they see me a little less. This is an absolute fact about how most people feel about me. Ask any of my ex-boyfriends. You can get overwhelmed by me pretty damned fast. But, when I’m not around, I am thinner, prettier, wittier and smarter. So, I choose to keep that mystery alive for as long as I can.

This is also why I work remotely. It’s like that scene out of Hello Dolly when she goes back to the Harmonia Gardens every time I visit the home office.

This would be our casual Friday look.

This would be our casual Friday look.

And, that’s how it is every time I come back home too….for about an hour.

The simple fact is that when I’m at work, it’s the only time anyone listens to me (or pretends really well) and sometimes they even do what I say. I’ve even had times when someone asked me for my opinion on something and sat, in rapt attention, waiting for my response.

Needless to say, I don’t get a whole lot of that at home.

But, the absolute, number one reason I work is the fact that I am a big yellow-bellied coward. Being a stay-at-home mom is HARD! I’ve only done it a couple of times for like a week over a school break and was in the fetal position by hour 12.

I still have a loop of “I’m bored” and “I’m hungry” sing-songing through my brain like a bad Michael McDonald song.

Ya Mo Be There…. Ya Mo Be pouring me a big ass drink about now.

Ya Mo Be There…. Ya Mo Be pouring me a big ass drink about now.

The idea that a human female becomes more patient and kind once they have children is as confusing to me as my kid’s math homework.

But, given that the children of most of my stay-at-home-mom friends are alive and seemingly healthy, I must assume I simply missed out on that hormone. Along with the hormone that makes you forget the pain of childbirth. Didn’t get any of that one either.

So, I salute you, my bad ass sisters! You have thrown yourself on the parental grenade and I stand in awe.

16 Responses »

  1. You know what? It’s all good. All of our lady balls are enormous. Working is hard but rewarding, being at home is hard but rewarding, having kids at all is hard but rewarding. This V-day let’s all just celebrate our collective lady balls with panache.

  2. Ok, saw your blog mentioned in the Liebster Award post that I was also mentioned in! Kinda nice, eh? I like your notion that, essentially, you’re a better mom because you’re a working mom. I stay at home, but I volunteer with young moms who, I think, need to hear that message. Good stuff…

    • I think pretty much any and all moms are working moms. And, it’s all hard and exhausting but in the end, no matter which type of working mom you choose to be, it’s a dedication to helping amazing little humans on their paths.

  3. BRAVO!!! Glad there are those SAHM’s out there so there’s no guilt here when I walk into my home office every day. I applaude those woman b/c as you know, my friend, I too do not possess that hormone. And brilliant Hello Dolly reference!

  4. Well done, well said! I love that your blogs are often a full-sensory experience with pics, videos, music. Oh, wait. I guess it’s not FULL sensory since we can’t see or smell you, but that would just be too weird. So I love that your blog is a MOST-sensory experience, all the non-weird senses.

    • See, you have twice the ball size then….not only doing the SAHM thing but in your mother-in-law’s basement?!? I would not want to meet you in a dark alley, my friend! And, I read that blog – killed me!!!

  5. Oh Irene, how you make me laugh and wonder how the hell I am still sane (although Clint may beg to differ) I stay at home/work at home and have a husband that works from home a lot, I must be a glutton for punishment ;-) good thing that goofy kid is in school now.

  6. I think I’d have to work at least a couple days a week to keep my sanity. The “mom I’m bored” question (which my brother and I pestered my mom with constantly) would get old pretty fast.
    Can I get some of that hormone that makes you want to have kids? It seems to have stopped after 30. I’m a little perplexed.

    • Yeah, you’re barking up the wrong tree on that one – while I may have popped out a couple, it wasn’t a lifelong goal by any stretch!

  7. Love love LOVE the “Hello Dolly” reference. You had me cracking up out loud on my couch! LOL!

    Being that I’m not a parent at all, I can’t pretend to completely understand. But something tells me when I do become a mother, I’ll probably be thinkin’ along the same lines as you.

    Funny post!

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