Much has been lamented about what a suckfest 2016 has been and I won’t even try to rub some sunshine on that shitstorm because I agree on many fronts. I mean, we have literally legions of famous people who just decided “fuck it, I’m outta here” so….
It seems like the new normal is bad news comes not in threes but in twentys.
We are going into a political climate I can’t even get my head around. SO much has been said about it, in fact, that I won’t say anything else other than “Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be ever in your favor.”
For me, personally, the year has had some pretty extreme highs and lows.
I got a divorce, for instance, which I suppose could be considered a high and a low depending on the day.
There is one thing I want to share with you all on that particular subject. It is, in my opinion, the nucleus of why my marriage did not end up working out for the longer run. It worked out for a long time, but did not have the staying power of to-the-grave.
Are you sitting down for this mind-blowing reveal?
We put our children and our individual goals above our personal relationship.
In other words, as my wise mother once told me when I was being a pain-in-the-ass teenager:
“You will leave this house and have your own life. I will stay here and be married to your father until we die. It’s not always about you.”
So, if you do want a to-the-grave marriage, I suggest you don’t do that.
There, don’t you feel better now?
You are welcome.
And now, on to a few things I plan to try to keep an eye on this coming year of our Lord two thousand seventeen, AD. I’d call them resolutions but most would agree that being resolute is not one of my stronger attributes so we’ll just say I’ll be painfully aware of these things this year.
- I’d like to make friends with my middle-aged middle. In fact, keep your apple, pear, hourglass body types. I no longer fit into any of those categories. Instead, I propose a new body type called the Lorax.
- That being said, enough with the burgers and bourbon, woman!
- Be a good ex-wife and don’t fuck it up.
- Be a good girlfriend and don’t fuck it up.
- Blah blah blah write more blah blah blah.
- Attempt to maintain some level of emotional balance by avoiding the overwhelming newsfeed around Trump and his ilk while also being aware of what is happening and trying to incite change but also keep my sanity but advocate for the disenfranchised while making sure I take care of myself but save the planet while still making sure I don’t go bankrupt but need to buy an electric car and get off the grid but still want to be connected to other people while appreciating all the varying opinions but need to call bullshit on stupidity while being sensitive to my wording and being sure not to use inflammatory dialog to make my point but…..AAAAAUUUURRRGGGG
- Tuck into the new season of Sherlock.
- Can we all stop obsessing over Amy Schumer’s weight please? Did I miss a memo that says it’s illegal for any woman to be in the entertainment industry and be of a normal fucking size?? Jesus people!
- Sorry – that one was just a statement more than an actual goal….so maybe the goal is to stop random rants in the middle of lists…..yeah, good luck with that one!
- Mellow out on the overuse of ellipsis…..no, seriously….enough!!
- Breathe more.
- Learn some new shit.
So, a Happy New Year to you all! Wish I could somehow divine what the hell is in store for us, but I’m as lost as the rest of you. The only thing I can feel fairly sure of is it’ll most likely be a motherfucker of a ride, so buckle up!